So much has changed in my life since my last post about the earthquake of 2018. Of those changes, the biggest occurred when my mother in law, Beverly, passed away in December 2019.
I visited Beverly's grave today. Several feet of snow had fallen since her burial, but the snow has since begun to melt. I could actually see the earthen mound uncovered for the first time since we lowered her casket after the funeral. Lori and I bought her lilies for her birthday and placed them on the snow over what we thought was her grave last week. I could now see that our lilies ended up on the grave of the woman buried right next to mom. I also noticed that the grave of mom is rather crooked. It could just be the way the dirt was piled atop the casket, but it looks terribly cock-eyed to my eyes. That will bother me. I moved the container of now frost wilted lilies to the top of her mound. I will come back later and get the container and plant some arctic varietals in it and place it on her grave after her temporary marker has been placed. I really want the marker put in place and hope the funeral home does it soon now that the snow has melted away.
At least a half of a dozen people were laid to rest over the winter. I paused and said hello to them as well. I do not know why I felt compelled to this, but I did and I felt better. I spent some time squatting by mom's grave talking to her. Nothing profound just stuff. I miss her terribly. What a pleasant force of chaos she was in my life. I have only to turn to her daughter to see the same tendency in her. That comforts me.
The second biggest event occurred in March when the world hunkered down for Covid 19, a virus that has sickened a million and killed over 200,000 people all over the world. There has been much argument as to whether the virus has been worse than the flu, as not as many people have died from it. But in those areas of high contagion, the deaths have occurred very rapidly in a far shorter span of time (a couple of months). New York has been the epicenter of the worst numbers of illnesses and deaths in North America. The news reports daily of the deaths, just shy of a thousand, per day and the hardships placed on the emergency medical system in New York city.
For Lori and I, we have been isolated in home for three weeks and change in days. I have been moved to two twelve hour shifts per week to limit contact with others in my shop. We have just as much contact as always, it has merely been compacted into twelve hours of very intense work. I suppose there must be some sense to it. I know that I am exhausted by the end of each shift. Lori has maintained her schedule but has actually seen her hours cut back as her business has terminated all overtime. She actually gets home at a reasonable time nowadays. Her face has borne the brunt of her tribulations as wearing a mask all day has irritated her face. I worry about her because her business has not provided them with real PPE. She wears the masks I made her from her old scrubs or the flimsy, thin filter, surgical style masks. She continues to see patients every day.
All over America and in Alaska people are isolated from each other by a minimum of six feet. Medical personnel are isolated form their own families to avoid contaminating them should they themselves have the virus. Many states, like my own Alaska, have required that people wear whatever masks they have on hand or can make at home, whenever they are in public and cannot maintain six feet of distance. The six feet is the distance that spit and aerosolized breath can reach from normal speaking and exhalation. This has been the normal operating mode of the humanity since March.
Only very essential businesses are allowed to be open. Many people are very upset by this, and, as is so often the case, many people simply do not recognize the severity of this pandemic. They just do not acknowledge the death and sadness occurring in the big cities. Such attitudes are understandable from people living in places that have not seen the high numbers of ill and dead. Millions of people have been out of work for over a month and the claims for unemployment are in the millions.
Both Lori and I realized how lucky we are to be working even thought being essential workers comes with quite a bit of risk. We, being in our mid fifties, are in the age grew more vulnerable to the worst outcome of the disease. I have not discussed this, but those over 70 are by far the most vulnerable and the severity of the disease drops with age. However, those with underlying health conditions also have vulnerability to the pneumonia.
No one knows when people might begin to interact again. There is no cure for the virus which attacks the lower lobes of the lungs and, in its worst form, develops into viral pneumonia. A vaccination does not yet exist and, because the virus originated from an unknow animal and is zoonotic, no one has an a immunity to it. Doctors and epidemiologist have all discussed a time frame for vaccination of at least a year.
I am more isolated now that ever. So the final big change in my life (also related to Covid 19) is the death of my very good friend, Larry. He died last week of the disease. I am still awaiting confirmation but I know it in my gut that Covid took him. I have been estranged from him for many months. Larry had become very bitter about a subject near and dear to us both, and I had had to pull away from him after nothing I said seemed to help him. I just needed that space that sometimes even dear friends need. I had no idea I would not see or speak to him ever again. He was over seventy, yes, but in very spry health when last we spoke. I am going to miss eating breakfast with him and sharing stories and hearing him encourage me. I will miss his liberal rants. I will miss just spending time with someone who showed such patience with me for ten years.
Yes. This post is quite sad. I cannot make it otherwise. The death of my mother in law, of Larry, and the Covid 19 outbreak have brought my world to a very abrupt change of pace and I operate in very different circumstances now. I am sad. I am lonely. I am not living the life I once knew. I have been inundated in change very often in my life and this is no different, but this time, I seem to lack some of the fortitude that has so often gotten me through the shifts and changes in life.
Dandelions. Once again, I turn to this amazing plant. You can eat it's tender young leaves before it flowers. You can watch its blooms wilt and turn into the most whimsical collection of fluff covered seeds. You can be delighted by a breeze that whisks those seeds away to land and grow into new plants. You both love the plants and grow annoyed with them for being so prevalent. They are like change ever present and always seeking to expand their territory into the space of other species.
I am always comforted by a patch of dandelions. The summer seems so very far away.
